


Even the Strongest

by Nimbus_Cloud



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: F/M, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-02
Updated: 2013-09-02
Packaged: 2017-12-25 09:35:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,815
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/951536
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nimbus_Cloud/pseuds/Nimbus_Cloud
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Even the strongest soldiers die eventually.  It's only a matter of time, and all it takes is one wrong misguided judgment.  But for all his part, Levi wants to believe that she will be the exception.  Because he can't handle any more losses right now.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Even the Strongest

**Author's Note:**

> If you are not caught up in the manga, do NOT read. There are spoilers abound.

“The scouting legion is back!”

 

“Already?”

 

“They were out for less than a day, why did they even bother going out there?”

“Look how many they’ve lost.  Why are we paying just to give the titans more food?”

 

“Glory-hungry bastards…” 

 

The whispers, sneers, and jeers followed them all the way through Wall Sina as they marched, their spirits low, their hearts broken.  It had taken five years for the Scouting Legion to regain some of the influence and respect of the citizens, and in one abysmal mission after an unprecedented encounter with the blasted female titan, it was gone.  Even humanity’s strongest soldier had suffered injuries that would keep him out of the field for a while, and the death toll was the highest it had been in years. 

 

But it was more than just the numbers.  The quantity of soldiers lost was always expected, however heartbreaking, but they had lost more than quantity this time.  They had lost some of their best. 

 

Levi walked with his head hung low, limping along with the memory of his fallen comrades burned into his mind’s eye.  What was the point of being called the strongest when he couldn’t even protect his own squadron?  He trusted Erwin’s actions, he had followed them through without question, but at the very least, if he could have told the four of them what to expect, what to look out for… 

 

He had chosen them personally.  Handpicked them out of dozens of soldiers.  Their blood was on his hands. 

 

Hours of scrubbing, washing, soaking, and he couldn’t get it out.  In his life as a soldier, he had gone days outside the wall, camping in dirt, mud, grime… he had been covered in titan blood, the blood and guts of his fellow soldiers, but this was a new level of filth.  It had seeped in so deep, he wasn’t sure he could ever get it out.  He had scrubbed his hands and fingers raw, the skin red and sore. 

 

A gentle pair of calloused hands wrapped around his body from behind him in the shower, pulling the scrubber out of his hands.  When had she--? 

 

Hanji rested her face against the back of his shoulder, her chest pressing into his back and her arms pressing into his ribs.  They stood there in silence, letting the water spray over them gently.  He was tired, and her skin was warm against his own, which had grown cold from spending too much time in the water.  But that warmth was life.  If he closed his eyes and focused, he could hear her slow breathing above the din of the water around them, and he could feel her faint heartbeat pressed against his back. 

 

He bit his lip, nearly hard enough to draw blood, choking back a sob.  But when she felt him shake against her body, Hanji squeezed him tighter, as if to prevent him from holding in his cries.  Maybe if she squeezed him tight, she could force out his pain. 

 

It worked.  One tear, then two, then it became impossible to differentiate with the water already raining down on him.  But in the shower, no one could hear humanity’s strongest sobbing.  Only Hanji, and she could barely hear him over her own muffled cries. 

 

Eventually he quieted, spent and exhausted.  Hanji turned off the water before gently guiding him out of the shower stall, drying the both of them off.  She kissed his damaged hands gently. 

 

“They’re clean.  You’re clean.”  She whispered. 

 

That night they held each other tight over and over.  It was unfair, they thought… that they could share this passion, this warmth when so many had lost their lives.  They could kiss, they could touch, they could take comfort in each other only because others had fallen.  They didn’t deserve this, they thought.  

 

Afterward, they said nothing.  Levi lay cradled against her, holding her with his strong arms.  Hanji’s ribs groaned in protest, but she let him hold her as tight as he wanted to.  It was only a small discomfort, and it gave him no small amount of comfort in return. 

 

Levi had returned from the mission and gone straight to being alone, straight to trying to wash his squadron’s blood off his hands.  Erwin had excused him for it, but now was a good time for him to know, so Hanji broke the silence at last.

 

“Armin’s deduced who the female titan is.” 

 

He tenses in her arms, inhaling a sharp breath. 

 

“We have a plan.” 

 

A part of him wants to tell her not to do it.  He’s not ready to lose any more people.  He couldn’t bear it if he were to lose Hanji so soon after everything that’s already happened.  He couldn’t believe he was out of commission; he had no time to recover before everything spirals out of control again. 

 

But he knew it didn’t matter.  With or without his approval, she had to fulfill her duty.  They had no time, not unless they wanted to just surrender Eren over to the military police and run back with their tail between their legs as the once-more-disgraced scouting legion.  Instead he pulled himself up on his elbows, leaning over her, his eyes looking fiercely into hers. 

 

“Then you go get that bitch for me.” 

 

Don’t die, he wants to say.  Be careful, he thinks.  Don’t leave me, he begs in his heart. 

 

* * *

 

There’s chaos inside the walls.  Even inside the far-removed walls of Wall Sina, the people are in panic.  The Military Police are at their wits end, frazzled, and unable to discern a clear course of action.  Rumors spread like wildfire among the populace.  Titans were sighted within Wall Sina. 

 

Erwin visits him, asks after his leg. 

 

“You know how it is.  I’m useless.” 

 

“We’ve captured the female titan.”  He doesn’t say at what cost. 

 

“Good.  I want to tear that bitch a new—“

 

“In the course of this, we’ve found out even more disturbing facts.  There are titans inside the walls.” 

 

“Well, we already suspected as much, didn’t we?”

 

“No, I mean—the walls themselves are made of titans.” 

 

 _That can’t be_.  “What?” 

 

“The Wall Cult knows more than they’re letting on.  Hanji has Pastor Nick in custody.  The female titan is unable to be questioned at the moment, but we have an even bigger problem.  Titans have been spotted inside Wall Rose.  There might be a breach.  Armin and Hanji have devised a way to seal it using Eren.  They leave tomorrow.” 

 

“Tomorrow?” 

 

“We don’t have any time, Wall Rose has been—“

 

“Who’s leading this mission?”

 

“I only have Hanji here who’s qualified.” 

 

Levi had been in the Legion for five years.  And in those five years, they had done everything they could to regain humanity’s respect while successfully securing footholds in their supply lines back to the breach in Wall Maria.  For five years, he had fought hard, even earned a name for himself, protected what few lives he could, and now it felt like none of it had mattered.  The supply lines they had established in the five years were lost after Trost was permanently sealed.  With the emergence of titan shifters and the appearance of the female titan, he had lost four of the lives he cared most about protecting.  Five years of struggle was lost in only a few days, and everything was happening so fast.  Hadn’t they just captured the female titan?  What was this nonsense about titans inside the walls?  A breach in Wall Rose?  The Wall Cult was keeping secrets, and Hanji would be sent out again. 

 

He gritted his teeth, glaring at his leg as if it would heal faster if only he could will it. 

 

“Let me see her.”  He couldn’t question Erwin’s commands.  If Hanji was the only one present who could lead the mission, that’s what she had to do.  He couldn’t pull her from active duty just because he couldn’t be there with her.  But everything was too soon, too fast, he still couldn’t properly mourn the others… but at the very least, he could demand this one thing. 

 

“I had already planned for you to meet up with her before she sets out tonight.  In her absence, I’m leaving Pastor Nick in your custody.” 

 

* * *

 

As the cart approached the Hermiha district that night, Hanji and Armin chatting away about a reckless nighttime mission, Levi felt more frustrated with himself than he had ever been.  At this point, he was looking for any possible excuse to riddle Pastor Nick with extra holes, despite his duty. 

 

The only thing he could do for them now was to give them a few words before parting. 

 

“Armin.  Keep coming up with ideas together with Hanji like you just did.” 

 

“Y-yes sir!” 

 

The boy was one of the most useful soldiers he had met in his lifetime since Hanji.  All of his plans and deductions had been spot on thus far, and a bright mind was now more valuable than ever in the fight for humanity’s survival.

 

“Mikasa, use all of your power to protect Eren.”

 

“Yes sir!  I swear it.”

 

“I don’t know why you’re so attached, but remember to control yourself.  Don’t make another mistake.” 

 

Given his current inactive status, Levi acknowledged that humanity’s strongest soldier was currently Mikasa Ackerman.  She was a prodigy even more than he was.  But she was far from being a leader.  So long as she could keep her head in check, he could entrust the lives of other soldiers to her. 

 

And that just left… but he would save his words for Hanji for when the damned brats weren’t around. 

 

* * *

 

 

“She’s the girl who always hangs around with Ymir.” 

 

“Eh…?  Ymir!?” 

 

Hanji and Levi looked at each other, eyes wide.  Ymir… Ilse Langner’s journal… The pieces of the puzzle were coming together at last, though the image was still fuzzy.  But before recently, the only piece they had was the journal. 

 

He grabbed her arm, forcing her attention on him.  There was a lot going on, there was a lot to process, and still more information was falling into their laps that they didn’t know what to do with, but for just a moment, he wanted her to look at him and him alone.   
  
“Levi…” she whispered.

 

“Don’t fucking die.”

 

She can’t promise that.  She never has.  But in compensation, she takes his face in her hands and plants a kiss on his lips, regardless of who’s standing around to see.  And then she turns to leave, and he can only watch the wings of freedom blazing on her back as she goes.  

* * *

**A/N** : The pacing of this is really all over the place.  And it does skip around quite a bit.  But I wanted it to feel a bit hurried and frantic, because that's how I feel reading this series most of the time.  


End file.
